funny quotes

I’m not late, everyone else is just early. ⎘

I’m not weird, I’m a limited series. ⎘

I’m not sleepy, I’m just resting my eyes for 3 hours. ⎘

I don’t rise and shine, I caffeinate and hope. ⎘

I’m not broke, I’m just pre-rich. ⎘

I put my goals in airplane mode too. ⎘

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my snack time. ⎘

I like long romantic walks… to the fridge. ⎘

I’m not dramatic, I’m just extra expressive. ⎘

I don’t need a therapist, I just need WiFi. ⎘

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. ⎘

I’m not lazy, I’m just saving energy for later. ⎘

I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted. ⎘

I’m not forgetful, I just have selective memory upgrades. ⎘

My favorite exercise is running late. ⎘

I’m not addicted to my phone, we’re just in a committed relationship. ⎘

I’m only responsible for what I say, not what you understand. ⎘

I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized. ⎘

I have a love-hate relationship with alarm clocks. ⎘

I need a nap between “hello” and “how are you”. ⎘

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just on airplane mode mentally. ⎘

My life is basically a collection of awkward moments. ⎘

I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my wrong opinion. ⎘

I tried to be normal once—worst two minutes ever. ⎘

I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new style every morning. ⎘